little sunsrise

Do you miss me? it's okay if you dont.

tadinya mau kirim text kayak gitu, but then realized that it will trigger the riot,so i deleted it.

"i miss you".
message sent.

then, a reply
"iyooo".

so, i just take a breath. and sip my bitter coffee and munch my bread.

"aku kangen"
message sent.

then, another reply.
"iya kalo bisa nanti sore aku pulang, aku mau ketemu orang kebun dulu ya, nanti aku kabarin lagi.

paused.

thats a sample of some our flat conversation, which is regular happen in few months now.

i know it's hard for some man to show their emotion, his feelings. i know you always make some effort for me, to us. to our relationship.

aku tau kamu sering bilang, "kamu lebih suka aku bermulut manis daripada nunjukin ke kamu"?. aku tau kamu bakal berargumen, "kamu ga menghargai semua usaha yang udah aku lakuin ke kamu"?

i know you are always trying, i know that you love me. i know that you want to take our relationshop to next step, and make effort on ot.

it just,

you are so cold, it seems like you are in here but you are not in here.
aku kangen
aku rindu kamu bilang kangen, aku rindu kamu bilang i love you.
it just,

this is not us, this is not how we communicate, i dont even know who the stranger i share my feeling with.

i fall for you because your warm hug, big smile, good laugh we share together. i want to share my life with that man.

it just, i am afraid that someday, i wake up and feel:

let's end this story and make a spin off each others life.